I always love the start of a New Year. It feels like a fresh start and like anything is possible. I have to be honest I was glad to see 2018 go, and say Bye Felicia. While it was a year filled with many blessings it was also a difficult year for me. I realize without going through hard times you can’t get through to true happiness and light but sometimes when you are in the depths of it, it can feel really, really lonely and never ending.
In 2018 my divorce was finalized in April, a few months later I ended a year long relationship, and Matt (the kid’s Dad) got remarried. I know everyone has their own struggles and battles but to me these events were tough, as was the timing of them. I know without a doubt God has a plan for me (and all of us) but sometimes it is hard to see it when you are hurt and sad. I thought I would never come out of the darkness, seriously it felt never ending. But I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. I stayed busy. I did things I enjoyed. I worked on myself. I started running again, read lots of self help books, talked to a therapist and spent time with my girlfriends. All things that made me happy and helped my journey.
Truth be told I was terrified to be alone but after a few months of being on my own I can truly say it was what I needed the most without a doubt. I needed time to focus on just me and healing and making myself whole again. I needed time to mourn two relationships that I knew needed to end but still came with lots of heavy emotions and baggage. I also needed time to focus just on my kids. The divorce and remarriage was a lot for them to handle and they needed me more than anything. God had a plan to make me stronger and wiser and to not repeat the past and go down the same path again. It took a lot of heartbreak and soul searching but as I embark on the first few days of 2019 I am happier and lighter than I have ever been.
For anyone going through tough times just know it is not permanent Everyday my Dad would send me positive quotes to keep me inspired. They helped my mindset so much. Your mental state and how you think makes such a big difference. Everyday I would wake up and think of the things in my life I was grateful for not things I was missing. True happiness comes from within. If you can’t be happy and love yourself it will be hard for anyone else too. For so long I was looking to others to bring me happiness and build me up- a job that ultimately belonged to me.
I have learned you can’t control all circumstances. I have learned overthinking and analyzing things is the devil – it will literally make you crazy. Sometimes you have to just accept the situation as what it is and move on. Self love and self care is so important. It is ok to be sad and shed some tears we have to go through these emotions to heal and become whole again. The sadness won’t last forever even if it feels like it will. Gratitude changes everything. Comparing your life to others is a waste of time and will never bring you happiness. Faith and prayers are game changers. Patience is one of the most important virtues. It takes time but you can train your mind to think more positively. It may be hard but sometimes you have to purge negative people from your life, you will never stay on top and be happy with non supportive people bringing you down,
I am not a huge resolutions person for the New Year I feel like it kind of sets you up for failure if you don’t follow them all. But I do have a few things I want to focus on and change:
Be more present with my children. This is a huge struggle for me. I am always busy, texting, checking emails, talking on the phone, doing a million things at once and I have a hard time unplugging and just being with them. That is my main goal this year because they are growing up so fast and I don’t want to miss these sweet moments. Soon enough they will not even want to hang out with me.
I want to start my cookbook. I have no idea where to begin and it seems so daunting to me but it is a BIG dream and I want to follow through on it.
I want to grow my blog and bring you guys more content that you want to read and see. I have a list of several companies I really hope to partner with this year.
I want to really focus on being consistent with exercise. I go through phases and will do it everyday for months and then just stop cold turkey. I want to focus on strength training and toning up. I want to do at least 3 times every week.
I want to do more for others. I want to show my children how to volunteer and help others.
I want to find a new church to join and attend it regularly.
I want to spend more time meditating and doing yoga. Things that are good for my soul.
I want to travel more and take more spontaneous trips. Being a single mom and traveling solo with two kids is not a walk in the park but I want to do more of that with Sterling and Frances Moon and also take trips with friends.
I want to declutter majorly. I want to purge every room in our house and donate the items.
I also want to thank each and everyone of you for following our journey and reading my blog. Your support means everything and I could not do it without all of you . This blogging community is pretty amazing, I love the relationships it has helped me to build. I feel like we all are friends and it is a great place to empower women. I share snippets of my personal life so people know it is not perfect. Instagram and blogs have a way of making everything look picture perfect and that could not be further from the case. Life is hard and everyone has battles and struggles they deal with. If I can help one person feel better by sharing my story then that makes me happy. It is always nice to know you are not alone, we all have issues and problems but how you handle them is key!
I hope everyone has a wonderful start to 2019. I have feeling it is going to be a magical year. I will leave you with a few of my favorite quotes.