I have mentioned on here before that I am a worrier. I swear this is hereditary. My mom and grandmother were both huge worriers- well my mom still is:) I am able to control my worries and thoughts so they don't consume my day but at night they are the worst. With our upcoming vacation I have already been laying in bed at night worrying about the flight and leaving my kids. I also worry about all sorts of non-important things. Luckily I married Matt who is a non worrier. I swear not much stresses him out so he helps keep me in check about what should be real concerns.
I know people have so many real problems and major issues in their life and these are trivial, that is why I enjoy writing them out, it helps put things in perspective and makes me laugh at my crazy mind that never stops. Prayer and meditation help me immensely. You have to trust that there is a higher power and I do trust God's plan.
I thought it would be funny to give you a peek inside my mind and what goes thru it on a daily basis.
- Of course right before our flight they announce the TSA standards are not up to par for flights. The department of homeland security said he was deeply concerned. Now I am even more freaked to fly. Like breaking out in sweats scared. I truly hope I don't have a panic attack on the plane.
- Will my phone work while I am in the Caribbean?? I need to be able to talk to my kids and text. This majorly stresses me out. I added an international plan for the week but they still say service can be iffy.
- I know I will enjoy myself on vacation but I have such attachment issues with my kids. I don't worry at all about leaving them with my parents I know they are in good hands, I worry about me being without them for a few days. We are together all day everyday and I know this is gonna be hard.
- I should have really done that detox cleanse before our vacation. I had big goals of having a toned stomach and proudly rocking my bikini. Instead this week because I have been stressed out I have eaten processed foods and had wine. Hello flabby belly. I will wear a bikini you just may not see in any pictures of me in it.
- I truly trust my parents 100% to watch the kids while we are gone but my kids are a handful. I worry that it will exhaust my parents. I worry I am imposing on them asking them to keep my kids so many days.
- How is Sterling going to adapt at kindergarten next year?? Yes this is 2 months away but I think about it every single day. He will have to make all new friends and I know that is hard.
- I really want to buy a new couch for our den. Where should I even look? The process of buying big ticket items stresses me out because it is such a big decision. Will the size be right? Will the color be right? Or should I wait til my kids are older because they will most likely ruin it.
- Frances seems fussy. I hope she is not sick. That would be my luck she gets sick right before we leave. Maybe it is teething. Her teeth are spaced so far apart. I am sure it is from the paci. We need to ditch the paci soon, but man it makes my life easier. I wonder if they will get closer together once she stops the paci.
- The cashier at the grocery store told me he had the stomach bug and was laid out for THREE days. Now I am terrified because he touched my credit card the germs are still active and I will catch it. Whydid he come back to work so soon and why did he tell me this??
- Did I pay all the bills that needed to be paid before we leave??
- What should I blog about ?? Sometimes it is hard to come up with fresh topics- suggestions always welcome.
- Will I ever get to meet Adam Levine. Or Zac Efron. Maybe I will see someone famous on our vacation. That would be awesome. Hopefully Beyonce and JayZ will be at St Barths and I can catch a glimpse. This is not a worry more of a dream- haha.
- My eye sight has gotten so bad. My contacts always irritate my eyes, I am terrified I am going to have to have that cornea transplant surgery they told me I will probably eventually need. Eye surgery freaks me out.
- My arm pit still hurts, is this something serious. I should make a doctor appointment. Is there such a thing as arm pit cancer??
- I hope the weather will be good while we are on vacation, crappy weather will suck. What will we do all day if it rains? What if a horrible storm comes and we get stuck on the island.
- I still think about that third baby often. Will I be completely happy and ok with just 2 kids? I am also scared of the journey to even try and get pregnant again and scared that if I get pregnant something may be wrong with the baby since I am at the magical age of 35 where all the risks increase. I feel like a ticking time bomb.
- How is it possible it is Summer already. The older I get the faster the years fly by and that scares me. I feel like I blinked and Sterling was 5. I need to savor these moments more while the kids are young, instead of feeling stressed out.
- I have a million emails I need to respond to. I really need to sit down and respond. With the kids out this Summer it is so hard to have time to work and respond.
- Should we move or stay in our house. This consumes my mind a lot. We love our neighborhood and our neighbors and ideally want to stay here but we need more space. An addition intimidates me, I would not even know where to begin or who to hire. and then where would we stay while they did the work? On the other hand nothing is for sale in any of the neighborhoods near us.
- Current conern what should I eat for breakfast. Toast? Do I need the carbs with this bloated belly? Cereal? Too processed? Eggs? Don't feel like cooking them. The breakfast struggle is real. Wish I had bacon:)